MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING

Act 3 Scene 2

(Enter Don Pedro the Prince, Claudio, Benedick, and Leonato)
l1l	Don Pedro	 I do but stay till your marriage be consummate,
l2l		and then go I toward Aragon.
l3l	Claudio	I’ll bring you thither, my lord, if you’ll vouchsafe
l4l		me.
l5l	Don Pedro	Nay, that would be as great a soil in the new
l6l		gloss of your marriage as to show a child his new coat
l7l		and forbid him to wear it. I will only be bold with
l8l		Benedick for his company, for from the crown of his
l9l		head to the sole of his foot he is all mirth. He hath
l10l		twice or thrice cut Cupid’s bow-string, and the little
l11l		hangman dare not shoot at him. He hath a heart as
l12l		sound as a bell, and his tongue is the clapper, for what
l13l		his heart thinks his tongue speaks.
l14l	Benedick	Gallants, I am not as I have been.
l15l	Leonato	So say I. Methinks you are sadder.
l16l	Claudio	I hope he be in love.
l17l	Don Pedro	Hang him, truant! There’s no true drop of
l18l		blood in him to be truly touched with love. If he be
l19l		sad, he wants money.
l20l	Benedick	I have the toothache.
l21l	Don Pedro	Draw it.
l22l	Benedick	Hang it.
l23l	Claudio	You must hang it first and draw it afterwards.
l24l	Don Pedro	What? Sigh for the toothache?
l25l	Leonato	Where is but a humour or a worm.
l26l	Benedick	Well, everyone can master a grief but he that
l27l		has it.
l28l	Claudio	Yet say I he is in love.
l29l	Don Pedro	There is no appearance of fancy in him, unless
l30l		it be a fancy that he hath to strange disguises, as to
l31l		be a Dutchman today, a Frenchman tomorrow, or in
l32l		the shape of two countries at once, as a German from
l33l		the waist downward, all slops, and a Spaniard from
l34l		the hip upward, no doublet. Unless he have a fancy to
l35l		this foolery, as it appears he hath, he is no fool for
l36l		fancy, as you would have it appear he is.
l37l	Claudio	If he be not in love with some woman there is
l38l		no believing old signs. A brushes his hat o’ mornings,
l39l		what should that bode?
l40l	Don Pedro	Hath any man seen him at the barber’s?
l41l	Claudio	No, but the barber’s man hath been seen with
l42l		him, and the old ornament of his cheek hath already
l43l		stuffed tennis balls.
l44l	Leonato	Indeed, he looks younger than he did by the
l45l		loss of a beard.
l46l	Don Pedro	Nay, a rubs himself with civet. Can you smell
l47l		him out by that?
l48l	Claudio	That’s as much as to say the sweet youth’s in
l49l		love.
l50l	Don Pedro	The greatest note of it is his melancholy.
l51l	Claudio	And when was he wont to wash his face?
l52l	Don Pedro	Yea, or to paint himself?—for the which I
l53l		hear what they say of him.
l54l	Claudio	Nay, but his jesting spirit, which is now crept
l55l		into a lute-string, and now governed by stops.
l56l	Don Pedro	Indeed, that tells a heavy tale for him.
l57l		Conclude, conclude, he is in love.
l58l	Claudio	Nay, but I know who loves him.
l59l	Don Pedro	That would I know, too. I warrant, one that
l60l		knows him not.
l61l	Claudio	Yes, and his ill conditions, and in despite of all,
l62l		dies for him.
l63l	Don Pedro	She shall be buried with her face upwards.
l64l	Benedick	Yet is this no charm for the toothache. Old
l65l		signor, walk aside with me. I have studied eight or
l66l		nine wise words to speak to you which these hobby-
l67l		horses must not hear.
		(Exeunt Benedick and Leonato)
l68l	Don Pedro	 For my life, to break with him about Beatrice.
l69l	Claudio	’Tis even so. Hero and Margaret have by this
l70l		played their parts with Beatrice, and then the two bears
l71l		will not bite one another when they meet.
		(Enter Don John the bastard)
l72l	Don John	 My lord, and brother, God save you.
l73l	Don Pedro	Good-e’en, brother.
l74l	Don John	If your leisure served I would speak with you.
l75l	Don Pedro	In private?
l76l	Don John	If it please you. Yet Count Claudio may hear,
l77l		for what I would speak of concerns him.
l78l	Don Pedro	What’s the matter?
l79l	Don John	(to Claudio)
		 Means your lordship to be married
l80l		tomorrow?
l81l	Don Pedro	You know he does.
l82l	Don John	I know not that when he knows what I know.
l83l	Claudio	If there be any impediment, I pray you discover
l84l		it.
l85l	Don John	You may think I love you not. Let that appear
l86l		hereafter, and aim better at me by that I now will
l87l		manifest. For my brother, I think he holds you well
l88l		and in dearness of heart hath holp to effect your
l89l		ensuing marriage—surely suit ill spent, and labour ill
l90l		bestowed.
l91l	Don Pedro	Why, what’s the matter?
l92l	Don John	I came hither to tell you, and, circumstances
l93l		shortened—for she has been too long a-talking of—the
l94l		lady is disloyal.
l95l	Claudio	Who, Hero?
l96l	Don John	Even she. Leonato’s Hero, your Hero, every
l97l		man’s Hero.
l98l	Claudio	Disloyal?
l99l	Don John	The word is too good to paint out her
l100l		wickedness. I could say she were worse. Think you of
l101l		a worse title, and I will fit her to it. Wonder not till
l102l		further warrant. Go but with me tonight, you shall see
l103l		her chamber window entered, even the night before
l104l		her wedding day. If you love her then, tomorrow wed
l105l		her. But it would better fit your honour to change your
l106l		mind.
l107l	Claudio	May this be so?
l108l	Don Pedro	I will not think it.
l109l	Don John	If you dare not trust that you see, confess not
l110l		that you know. If you will follow me I will show you
l111l		enough, and when you have seen more and heard
l112l		more, proceed accordingly.
l113l	Claudio	If I see anything tonight why I should not marry
l114l		her, tomorrow, in the congregation where I should
l115l		wed, there will I shame her.
l116l	Don Pedro	And as I wooed for thee to obtain her, I will
l117l		join with thee to disgrace her.
l118l	Don John	I will disparage her no farther till you are my
l119l		witnesses. Bear it coldly but till midnight, and let the
l120l		issue show itself.
l121l	Don Pedro	O day untowardly turned!
l122l	Claudio	O mischief strangely thwarting!
l123l	Don John	O plague right well prevented!—So will you
l124l		say when you have seen the sequel.
		(Exeunt)